Animal Crossing and Baking Therapy – with a recipe.

If you follow me on twitter (@wilredd), you’d know that I’ve been borderline obsessed with Animal Crossing: New Horizons. It’s a wholesome game that has no point other than to simulate a simple happy life. It’s obviously not for everyone.

For me, the game has been a strangely therapeutic experience. It really came out at a perfect time. The pandemic is forcing everyone indoors, and sometimes you need something more interactive than a TV show, movie, or book.

You should understand, things aren’t going to be the same. As the familiar world we know and understand crumbles around us, if you’re lucky enough to have a job, you do menial tasks. When the rules of the world change, things like Animal Crossing and baking momentarily lets people like me experience some semblance of stability.

I’m not where I want to be in life, and who knows if I’ll ever be, but I’m grateful. I’m able to get enough money to buy a $60 game for a $300 console. I’m in a relatively comfortable apartment; that’s over $1500 a month. I’m able to buy groceries, using a car, I’m able to pay in installments but will ultimately cost me about $20,000. All that, to be able to do menial tasks to escape this anxiety-inducing society.

We are often led to believe that our good individual actions will save humanity, but in reality, our own decisions are only as influential as the ability of others to avoid being selfish. The push for individualism and greedy capitalism was always going to be our downfall. Who knows what lies beyond this pandemic, but when you obsessively think about it, you stop being functional.

So, here’s a recipe for an Existential Crisis Apple Pie.

1. You forage through your local surreal grocery store and get the following;
   1. Apples
   2. Sugar
   3. Light Brown Sugar
   4. Butter
   5. Flour
   6. Salt
   7. Eggs
   8. Cinnamon or Apple Pie Spice
   9. Apple Spiced Liqueur or a bit of Whisky
   10. Cool Whip or Vanilla Ice Scream
   11. Toilet paper and disinfectant, take every opportunity to get some.
2. You take a moment to appreciate your access to these items and begin with the crust.
   • I used this lady’s recipe as a base: https://natashaskitchen.com/easy-pie-crust-recipe/
   • My only change was that I used ½ cup of light brown sugar and ½ cup of sugar.
   • So, take flour, sugars, and salt, mix them in a food processor. Add two sticks of butter, more whirring. Add some cold ass water, mix a bit more, make it into a ball, put it in the fridge, and wait.
3. If you got it, play some Animal Crossing for an hour. Wait for that crust to do whatever it needs to do in the fridge. Maybe harvest some Apples. Pay some bells to that loan shark Tom Nook.
4. The sauce. The secret, apparently.
   • Again, I used the same lady’s recipe as a base: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbyahTnzbKA&t=319s Natasha’s Kitchen, so her name is Natasha.
   • My only change was that I used ½ cup of light brown sugar and ½ cup of sugar.
   • Start by melting the butter – in medium heat you animal – then add flour, water, the sugars, and mix. Mix until it’s a beautiful caramel color that reminds you of the fleeting nature of the joy of baking.
5. Them apples.
   • You peel, core, and cut into thin slices like the news is doing with your emotions daily.
   • Put them in a bowl, take a nice shot of apple spiced liqueur or whiskey, then pour a bit on the apples (about a tablespoon). Mix, then sprinkle some Apple Pie spice or Cinnamon, mix, and then take another shot, why not, you’re not driving anywhere.

     

6. Put it all together.
   • Flatten one of the doughs into an amorphous circle that for me resembled Ireland. It doesn’t matter the shape, you’re going to eat it anyway.
   • Put it on a pie dish or whatever you got, tuck in the sides, pour the apples.
   • To make the lattice crust, flatten the remaining dough into a shitty artisanal pizza shape, then use a pizza cutter to make uneven strips of delicious sadness. You will then make an egg wash, with some light brown sugar and brush that stuff all over your strange creation.
   • Once you do whatever that lady Natasha did to make that pie look Instagram ready, you throw it in the oven. Maybe don’t toss it, just place it, gently. First for 15 minutes at 400 degrees (preheat that oven kids) and then (without opening the oven door, don’t you dare) 44 minutes at 350 degrees.

     

7. Wait for that pie to cool down. Don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of time to stuff your pie hole with pie. If you don’t, Natasha and her kids will be disappointed with you. I won’t really care.

   

8. Then eat it. Alone or with the significant other that’s stuck with you, or with your spawn that won’t stop talking about Frozen. Add some cool whip or vanilla ice cream to add more calories to an already unbalanced meal full of delicious regret.

Thanks to Natasha’s Kitchen for the base recipe and Elkins Distilling Co. for making a delicious apple spiced liqueur.