Person 1: Don’t you want to be a published author someday?
Person 2: Why would you post your unedited short stories online, shouldn’t you wait until you get better at editing and submit them to publications?
Person 3: I don’t think this is a good idea.
Fine, you got me, I’m all three. Over the years, I’ve collected a lot of writing advice that haunts me every time I decide to publish a blog post. Now that my already fragile sanity disappeared into the ether, I can finally go nuts and publish whatever the fuck I want. I’m not saying my stuff is ready for publication, but I need it out there.
I tried to be a career writer for almost twenty years. It took me that long to realize, I needed to let go of the idea that I was either a going to be a writer or nothing at all. I have issues, and the man I was twenty years ago would have committed suicide if he knew the hardships and disappointments that awaited him. I’m still fucked up, and my mental health is never really going to be “normal.” However, patience and perseverance changed my perspective on identity and self. I don’t have to “let go” of the dream of being a writer. I can do what I need to do to survive and still be a writer. I can be a husband, a gamer, a baker, a gardener, a corporate trainer, and whatever the fuck I want.
Being something else, other than a writer, isn’t going to make me a shittier author. In my humble opinion, it’s going to make me a better writer. I’ll share these stories here, and when I finally can afford an editor, I’ll try to submit them to publications. For now, this is my vehicle of expression. Please, don’t be a judgmental piece of shit, and if you got some professional “advice” go bake a cake or a Going Bananas and Nuts bread.
So, here’s the recipe for Going Bananas and Nuts Bread
Step 1 – Like my horoscope said today: “Acceptance of the void is the only strategy, but theory is always easier than practice.” So you accept the void in your life, and rummage to what you have left in your pandemic emergency cupboard.
- Bananas that produced enough ethylene to be brown.
- Walnuts
- Chocolate Chips
- Sour Cream
- Flour
- Granulated Sugar
- Vanilla Extract
- Butter
- Eggs
- Baking Soda
- Salt
- Toilet paper and disinfectant, take every opportunity to get some. Splurge, and maybe get some wipes.
Step 2 – Take a moment to appreciate the indoor plants you are surely going to let die, and start by mixing the wet ingredients.
- Take ½ cup of softened butter, mix it with 1 cup of granulated sugar.
- Add two eggs, mix some more.
- Add ½ cup of sour cream
- Mix well.
Step 3 – Go nuts, mashing the banana. Make sure it looks like the apple sauce you’ll likely end up eating after you can no longer go to the grocery store.
Step 4 – Mix the dry stuff.
- In a separate bowl, mix 1 tsp baking soda, ½ tsp salt, 1 ½ cup of flour.
Step 5 – Put the banana mush in the wet ingredient bowl and mix. Add 1 tsp of vanilla. Then add the dry ingredients and mix. Slowly fold in ½ cup of chopped walnuts and ¼ cup of chocolate chips.
Step 6 – Make sure you coat the bread pan with a thin layer of butter and flour. Before you put your concoction into the oven, put a few walnuts and chocolate chips on top. Bake for 30 to 45 minutes at 350 F or until you stab the center, and the utensil comes out clean.
Step 7 – Eat it. Maybe make some coffee, or with some La Fin du Monde. I almost added a bit of that, since I feel compelled to add alcohol to all the baked goods. I didn’t. Maybe next time.
Seriously Irrelevant 